What If It Sucks...?

I sing, write songs, own a recording studio, teach voice. And I write. Just because I can't help myself.
Over two years ago, after many years in the music business, I embarked on this book writing journey that hasn't let me go since. The main character, by now my good imaginary friend who goes by the name of Billie Lupescu, popped into my head one day, and I found myself starting a sentence with, "Wouldn't it be funny if..."

As in: Wouldn't it be funny if somebody wrote a book about a hybrid private eye who goes after supernatural evildoers in New York City? And what if that hybrid was in fact a 500-year old woman who had the great misfortune of having been attacked by both a vampire and a werewolf back in Wallachia in the old days? That would be crazy, wouldn't it? And wouldn't it be funny/completely insane/ridiculous, if I was the one who wrote that book?

Naturally, the story has morphed from the private eye angle to reluctant "guardian of the night", among other things. And she has acquired a sidekick, who, of course, is a demon from a parallel universe. And then there is a villainous plot (we gotta have one of those) that threatens the existence of every single human being in New York City.

So, here I am, two years later and well into my third page one rewrite. I have been coy about this here dark secret of mine for several reasons, starting with the fact that I don't have formal training, i.e. a college degree, in creative writing, continuing with the fact that English is my second language. But I think it's time to, you know, come out.

So brave, so forward was I with my decision to make my writing a somewhat more known and public affair (at least on my facebook page), that I posted freely about my progress over the last two weeks. Then, one night, I woke up in a state of panic, with a question screaming at me from the beyond. "What if it sucks?" followed by several variations on the topic.

There is a very strong possibility that my "Billie Lupescu" novel will, indeed, suck. However, by now I have a couple of beta readers who are kind enough to provide the necessary feedback for a writer who is just way too close to her story. So - hopefully it won't suck. But even if it does - the opportunity for failure is great - , is that reason enough not to pursue it? I've released eight albums so far, many of which contain original songs of mine. And each time there was the potential for pure, full on, calamitous suckage. But I did it anyway. Otherwise life would be awfully boring, and I wouldn't grow as an artist and human being.

And, honestly, I'm not going to stop NOW! I've invested two years of my life into this baby already. When I'm done with it the time spent on this thing will be more than I ever needed to birth an album.

Over the next few months until it's (hopeful) publication in the fall of this year (everybody needs a challenge, right?) I will keep you posted on my progress, my triumphs and failures, the hanky moments and the set-backs. I plan to self publish, because I'm a control freak and don't like to wait. I'm giving this thing my best shot, and I hope you'll hang in there with me and maybe even pick up a copy when it's finally done.
And if it does suck? Well, then at least I didn't let that possibility keep me from trying.